Dating

Hi,

So the other day I was at a BBQ and I saw this Chinese guy (Obviously I didn't automatically know he was Chinese, I found out later), he was talking to a friend of mine and I thought he was kind of cute. I asked my friend about him after the party (I wish I would have just asked to be introduced then) and my friend got his number and gave it to me. Now I don't know what to do. I am pretty shy and not forward with guys, for example I DO NOT call up guys I've never even been introduced to and ask them on dates.

But now he knows that some girl from the party asked for his number so he is expecting, and asking, for something to happen. My friend mentioned "his English is getting better". So I am a little worried about some linguistic, but mostly cultural differences and expectations. I am wondering if you had any advice for a white American woman for a possible date/dating a Chinese guy.

Thanks,

Amber

P.S. A speedy response is most appreciated. I would also like to mention how little info there is out there for white women in this area compared to how much there is for white men and Asian women.

Dear Amber

I typed out a lot of stuff, which I deleted because I felt was irrelevant and tended to stereotype a bit too much and might no longer be relevant. I was also going off on a way far out tangent, which was irrelevant and was funny only to a niche group of readers.

Perhaps you would like to ask Jocelyn instead?* Since my view of the world is very similar to that of the Korean guy. Whereby Chinese men are men first Chinese second. Therefore the usual things will apply i.e. it is quite plausible that he will lie and cheat and be deceptive to get you in the sack. And the 1% being Chinese is massively overridden by the Y chromosomes in his body.

Unless you get a freaky one.... an old gf I once dated had a freaky ex-husband.... he had sex with her ONCE... to have a son, and never touched her again. This was unbelievable, because she had a body and personality which was soo soo sweet. I mean she had this tri.... erm back on topic...

Perhaps you might want to try an indirect approach, whereby a bunch of you or just yourself ask on an unrelated issue. Some good excuses are my friend wants a Chinese language tattoo, Or how do you write in Chinese type excuses are excellent. You can either set this up yourself or get somebody else to set it up for you... (TCG has some nasty Chinese friends and thus more than a few people are walking around with tattoos which say Chicken fried rice, or the worst one which says big man small cock), then see how it goes from there on in. Though this may have the problem that he simply be too shy to move it any further. Though you might want to monitor his body language as to if he wants to take it further since Chinese has this pain in the ass thing wherby people say one thing but their body language says something else completely.

Regarding cultural issues, simply don't make him lose face or come on too strong. I'd note attacking jokes will not work well either! My HK and China born friends don't understand my mannerisms and jokes.

For example in the UK people will say to me:
"I hear Chinese people can't drink much."
I can zing them back with, "yeah well it means I'm a cheap night out."
While when I was in Shenzhen with Simon, instead of him zinging us back he took it as an insult.

*also if it all goes tits up you can blame HER instead!