Hey Chinese guy,
What do you think about bringing over a spouse from China. I'm getting serious about this girl in China?
Your input and suggestion is greatly appreciated!
Thanks
Kinda of nervous about a long distance relationship guy from the USA
M
Dear M.
My thoughts on this are varied (whats new). As there are many potential outcomes in how this may well pan out. I've seen many of these outcomes and how they pan out too, it can be like people. People can be good bad or ordinary.
What I've seen however tends to urk me towards the bad side, perhaps why I am so cynical these days as many women from China saw me as a meal ticket.... TCG used to be hot stuff and girls would ask me for a date fully with the intention of getting a UK passport. Many of these women were quite transparent about it. Some of them would even offer me $25,000 US to marry me with a sham wedding to get a UK passport. I never took them up on these offers because I never really wanted to be married. Being married also opens you up to red packet extortion. It was so incredibly freaky as if dinner dates, which I'd tend to pay the bill and tell her there was no chance at all. They would talk to me as if it were some kind of interview. Phases such as.
"As long as you provide me with a good home for me and our future children I don't care. You can go out and sleep with as many other women as you want as long as you keep a good home."
This put me off massively. Though with the UK going down the tubes this is happening rather less and less, which I don't mind as regular dinner dates in Asia rack up in cost quite quickly. TCG isn't as evil as he could have been i.e. jumped into the sack with them THEN said LJBF. But TCG isn't as evil as he imagines.
Alice for instance was a rural girl from China who didn't have a pot to piss in. She married and now lives in the UK off him. He works as a fairly well paid electrical contractor. He is however ugly, think car crash head jammed in an elevator and toxic crusader type ugly I jest not! Who is severely overweight, think 350lb type overweight. All my women friends find him absolutely repulsive to the extreme. However he knows he is being exploited by her, but he sits back and enjoys getting to jump in the sack with her on a regular basis as a form of 'payment'. Which is kind of like a prostitution kind of arrangement. She actually sleeps around behind his back and once asked me into the sack at a party... I kind of wonder if they'll be together in 3 years time as she will have naturalised and gotten a UK passport, ergo he is no longer of any use.
OTOH, Boscoe one of my dad's friends sons' he is an airline pilot who married a girl from Chongqing and their relationship seems to be pretty much what you would find in a average British house hold. There is attraction and loyalty, both of them work as well even though Boscoe makes enough for both of them to live.
Also at the other extreme is mostly from Russia actually, in that although news papers sensationalise back in the early 00s there were many ex USSR brides. This was because the Ex USSR countries like Ukraine, Moldova etc didn't have a pot to piss in. Such that women would try to get away. This was art imitating life in the film Birthday Girl.
Back in the day there were many stories of Russian Brides who would vanish the second they landed in Heathrow. I do not know the extent of the reality of this vs fiction.
Anyway lets step away from this a bit and go to one of my uber random tangents.
China is pretty shit if you are one of the natives. I wrote somewhere in my book that most countries are not great if you are a native of that country. Looking as an outsider it looks nice or working as an expat. For instance lets say Korea. To the ESL types who work there they think it is excellent. They have free accommodation they get paid a ton more than the locals and their working days are not as long as the locals. None of this is the case with the local Korean folks, they work insane hours. Kim for instance left the flat at 530am, and returned at 11pm EVERYDAY. He was paid a pittance (min wage in Korea is reputed to be around 2000-4000KRW which is £1.50 or $2.30). Life is expensive property is unaffordable and the constant need to keep face honor and respect restricts your life.
In China life for many men and women is pretty shit. Rock and a hard place seems to be an apr cliche expression to use here. I mean as a man you have limited options. You become an ant and work for the big corporates where you are systematically exploited and robbed for your pay. Or you go to university to fight for a government position and 9/10 times end up as an ant. If you are lucky you may work in an office. It's the way the system has been organised. this is by design.
The television dreams we had as children are as remote in China as they are back in our respective home countries.
A la Fight club philosophy (have a read of the book it is quite interesting)
The same choices exist for women, but for two more, they can become working girls to actually get out of the ant system. This is why Hong Kong and Macau especially are filled with working girls from China. You can't swing a dead cat in Mongkok without some douche approaching you and asking you if you want suckiee. You might think I'm joking but this really does happen. Macau is even worse! As mass prostitution is legal in Macau it is overt and in your face. The other final option they have is to marry off outside to somewhere else to not be an ant or to be a working girl.
How is this pertinent to you?
Well this girl could be any of the above, and tbh it usually takes an outsider to see what's going on, as men are suckers and can be blinded by women easily.
My suggestion is probably to merely take a vacation/ holiday and see her response. It is akin to merely buying a drink, if it turns out bad its just a drink. While marriage has HUUUUGE consequences.
Also to consider her motivations rationally, look at yourself in the mirror are you a fat ugly slob who would under other circumstances be unable to pull a girl of her attraction? TCG is no oil painting and therefore Chinese girls wanting to marry me it was pretty obvious (aside from them being totally blunt about it) they were not after my Adonis like body (yeah right)
Ask in depth what her plans for the future will be, ignore the I wanna be with you etc type ones that massage your ego and deflect attention away. Assess her current circumstances, if she is rich or has a rich family then the exploitation angle chance is lower. Consider WHAT she would do if she were not to go to the USA. Would she merely end up as an ant or happens to have a fairly decent job there? Call her bluff, maybe pretend to want to settle in CHINA and gauge her reactions. Age plays a factor in this too, in Asia once you hit 30 NOBODY wants you, and people tend to settle. As I've said in many previous posts there is a huge pressure to get married at a youngish age.
Have a serious think about it with your head rationally and see if it makes sense.
And for women readers, the same pretty much applies to any men you may meet out there too!
What do you think about bringing over a spouse from China. I'm getting serious about this girl in China?
Your input and suggestion is greatly appreciated!
Thanks
Kinda of nervous about a long distance relationship guy from the USA
M
Dear M.
My thoughts on this are varied (whats new). As there are many potential outcomes in how this may well pan out. I've seen many of these outcomes and how they pan out too, it can be like people. People can be good bad or ordinary.
What I've seen however tends to urk me towards the bad side, perhaps why I am so cynical these days as many women from China saw me as a meal ticket.... TCG used to be hot stuff and girls would ask me for a date fully with the intention of getting a UK passport. Many of these women were quite transparent about it. Some of them would even offer me $25,000 US to marry me with a sham wedding to get a UK passport. I never took them up on these offers because I never really wanted to be married. Being married also opens you up to red packet extortion. It was so incredibly freaky as if dinner dates, which I'd tend to pay the bill and tell her there was no chance at all. They would talk to me as if it were some kind of interview. Phases such as.
"As long as you provide me with a good home for me and our future children I don't care. You can go out and sleep with as many other women as you want as long as you keep a good home."
This put me off massively. Though with the UK going down the tubes this is happening rather less and less, which I don't mind as regular dinner dates in Asia rack up in cost quite quickly. TCG isn't as evil as he could have been i.e. jumped into the sack with them THEN said LJBF. But TCG isn't as evil as he imagines.
Alice for instance was a rural girl from China who didn't have a pot to piss in. She married and now lives in the UK off him. He works as a fairly well paid electrical contractor. He is however ugly, think car crash head jammed in an elevator and toxic crusader type ugly I jest not! Who is severely overweight, think 350lb type overweight. All my women friends find him absolutely repulsive to the extreme. However he knows he is being exploited by her, but he sits back and enjoys getting to jump in the sack with her on a regular basis as a form of 'payment'. Which is kind of like a prostitution kind of arrangement. She actually sleeps around behind his back and once asked me into the sack at a party... I kind of wonder if they'll be together in 3 years time as she will have naturalised and gotten a UK passport, ergo he is no longer of any use.
OTOH, Boscoe one of my dad's friends sons' he is an airline pilot who married a girl from Chongqing and their relationship seems to be pretty much what you would find in a average British house hold. There is attraction and loyalty, both of them work as well even though Boscoe makes enough for both of them to live.
Also at the other extreme is mostly from Russia actually, in that although news papers sensationalise back in the early 00s there were many ex USSR brides. This was because the Ex USSR countries like Ukraine, Moldova etc didn't have a pot to piss in. Such that women would try to get away. This was art imitating life in the film Birthday Girl.
Back in the day there were many stories of Russian Brides who would vanish the second they landed in Heathrow. I do not know the extent of the reality of this vs fiction.
Anyway lets step away from this a bit and go to one of my uber random tangents.
China is pretty shit if you are one of the natives. I wrote somewhere in my book that most countries are not great if you are a native of that country. Looking as an outsider it looks nice or working as an expat. For instance lets say Korea. To the ESL types who work there they think it is excellent. They have free accommodation they get paid a ton more than the locals and their working days are not as long as the locals. None of this is the case with the local Korean folks, they work insane hours. Kim for instance left the flat at 530am, and returned at 11pm EVERYDAY. He was paid a pittance (min wage in Korea is reputed to be around 2000-4000KRW which is £1.50 or $2.30). Life is expensive property is unaffordable and the constant need to keep face honor and respect restricts your life.
In China life for many men and women is pretty shit. Rock and a hard place seems to be an apr cliche expression to use here. I mean as a man you have limited options. You become an ant and work for the big corporates where you are systematically exploited and robbed for your pay. Or you go to university to fight for a government position and 9/10 times end up as an ant. If you are lucky you may work in an office. It's the way the system has been organised. this is by design.
The television dreams we had as children are as remote in China as they are back in our respective home countries.
A la Fight club philosophy (have a read of the book it is quite interesting)
The same choices exist for women, but for two more, they can become working girls to actually get out of the ant system. This is why Hong Kong and Macau especially are filled with working girls from China. You can't swing a dead cat in Mongkok without some douche approaching you and asking you if you want suckiee. You might think I'm joking but this really does happen. Macau is even worse! As mass prostitution is legal in Macau it is overt and in your face. The other final option they have is to marry off outside to somewhere else to not be an ant or to be a working girl.
How is this pertinent to you?
Well this girl could be any of the above, and tbh it usually takes an outsider to see what's going on, as men are suckers and can be blinded by women easily.
My suggestion is probably to merely take a vacation/ holiday and see her response. It is akin to merely buying a drink, if it turns out bad its just a drink. While marriage has HUUUUGE consequences.
Also to consider her motivations rationally, look at yourself in the mirror are you a fat ugly slob who would under other circumstances be unable to pull a girl of her attraction? TCG is no oil painting and therefore Chinese girls wanting to marry me it was pretty obvious (aside from them being totally blunt about it) they were not after my Adonis like body (yeah right)
Ask in depth what her plans for the future will be, ignore the I wanna be with you etc type ones that massage your ego and deflect attention away. Assess her current circumstances, if she is rich or has a rich family then the exploitation angle chance is lower. Consider WHAT she would do if she were not to go to the USA. Would she merely end up as an ant or happens to have a fairly decent job there? Call her bluff, maybe pretend to want to settle in CHINA and gauge her reactions. Age plays a factor in this too, in Asia once you hit 30 NOBODY wants you, and people tend to settle. As I've said in many previous posts there is a huge pressure to get married at a youngish age.
Have a serious think about it with your head rationally and see if it makes sense.
And for women readers, the same pretty much applies to any men you may meet out there too!
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