Virgin Boy Eggs

Note: If you are new here, read this then this, first.

It must be some kind of crazy Easter tradition. In Dongyang, China, every spring vendors cook up batches of hard boiled eggs boiled in piss. Yes, piss. Specifically, little boys piss. Like many other strange Chinese dishes, it supposedly has a number of health benefits, such as increased energy, improved circulation, and less joint pain. Apparently this "dish" has been prepared annually for hundreds of years. Little boys piss is collected from local primary schools and put into pots of eggs to simmer and boil. Despite being cooked in urine, they sell for twice the price of regular hard boiled eggs. Does that mean they taste like piss? No idea. But if they do, it looks like Bear Grylls has found a new favorite snack.

Chinese savory cake

TCG, there is something I saw at a restaurant the other day, its sorta like squares which were burnt on the sides almost like a less watery tofu with little cubes of meat inside. What is it? How can I make some? Does it taste good?

John C


Erm this could be anything, but my guess at the moment it that it is poorly named turnip cake. Though such cakes can be made from pretty much any root vegetable. You can probably make one out of cabbage if you want. Anyhow traditionally this is made from Chinese turnip. It is very easy to make..... its sort of like hash browns but prepared in a slightly different manner.

Because I'm lazy and busy here is the recipe



You can exchange the turnip for anything else tbh as said previously. Its interesting to have it made from carrot or even potato or sweet potato

Turn pork into beef

Here

Precis master Chinese counterfeiters (who else) have turned pork into fake beef....... heh reminds me of when I worked for a meat packing company that would mix meat which was labled unfit for human consumption in with OK meat. Though it was a bunch of Irish gangsters that time.

For balance though it's not just Chinese people being dodgy here. There is something called meat glue.

Pocky

Dear TCG,

. I like to give it to my Asian friends on special occasions (especially the girls) because they get ecstatic over it. I tried it but it didn't taste all that special to me. What is all the hype about?

I'm not sure actually, I remember pocky from my youth too and my dad would often bring a pack back now and again from Chinese wholesale stores, it was very expensive for what it was... Though I quite like Cabee corn puff snacks, as well as Wasabi nuts which I am sure contains an addictive chemical since they are like pringles chips but even worse.... I've fallen out of favor with pringles chips. Maybe it's because I thought the eyes were the red things.



Maybe it is nostalgia of having something from their youth or sohttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifmething since such snacks are not uncommon in China in either the past or the present.

Having a word with my dad about this....

He said Chocolate in China (even HK) in the 70s and 80s were rare. Chinese sweets typically consist of various disgusting cup jellies which you don't want to think too hard about. Caramelised sugar, biscuits and or dissicated fruit of various kinds.

TCG remembers this


Chocolate was not at all common and it was stinkingly expensive.... add in the general lactose intolerance of Asian people and few companies made the stuff. And at first appearances appeared to be brown stuff that was sweet. My dad and his entire family chew chocolate bricks



Rather than let them melt in their mouths for some reason.

Thus I think it is probably to do with nostalgia of getting it when they were children and also that unlike all other western nations Chocolate wasn't common. I mean IIRC WWI rations had a bar of chocolate in it, so did WWII.

Chinese people and abalone

Chinese Guy.

What is so special about abalone? I always see chefs on Chinese TV rant and rave all about it, my dad also talks about how good it is all the time, whats so special about it?

Daniel W

Dear Daniel

It's probably because Abalone in Hong Kong is expensive.... Chinese people appear to associate something being expensive = good. Dainese leathers are very expensive. I nearly lost all my skin when the Dainese leathers I wore fell apart on a spill once. As many of you will probably be aware that expensive is not always good. Hilariously there were a bunch of French wine tasters who rated a cheap bottle of wine better than the finest vintage wines..

In Mainland China they are even bigger suckers for this sort of pricing. A US beer firm sold a beer in China for $60 a bottle, even when you can buy it from a 7-11 for $2 a bottle.

I've had some and it didn't do anything for me tbh. It is expensive because Abalone is Shakespeare..... wait what? What has a sea slug got to do with a playwright who lived in the 1650s to do with all this?.

It's human nature really, whereby one only says or acts in a certain way because other people talk and act in a certain way. The genetic desire to fit in is pretty strong in all humans, not all but many, it's why you get religions, cults, goths and all sorts of people in between.

So what has this got to do with Shakespeare? Well old'e Wil is revered by many as the ULTIMATE writer of all time and they say things like he is

"everything to all men"

And thus relevant through the ages.... which is absolute bullshit. I remember playing Caesar in school and really being stabbed by pencils and pens before whimpering the line.

"Et Tu Bruti?"

Shakespeare is not entertaining to read and I found all of his works impenetrable and could not relate to any of it. He is not everything to all men... he is good because other people say he is good. People will exploit this and will call me a thicko for not being able to appreciate how good Shakespeare is supposed to be. Thus putting peer pressure onto me to say Shakespeare is actually a remarkable piece of work.

The same applies to abalone, because it is so freakishly expensive in Hong Kong. Most probably because of the appalling pollution in Hong Kong. Whereby the water is so polluted Granny Ruth's pointless and easily avoidable death in Dante's peak happens all the time.



The cracked article is here which means it has to be imported in which makes it expensive. People buy it and eat it and are less than impressed with it. Yet to save face they say mmm that was absolutely delicious and worth every single penny, even though they are probably suffering immense buyers remorse. Which continues the circle of deception whereby other people think it is good because other people say it is good sounds. Oddly enough Chinese parables are littered with such examples of saving face in such a manner. I'd share with you but not right now

Food delivery in Hong Kong?

Dear Chinese guy.

Is it true that you can get McDonalds delivered in Hong Kong? Why don't they do this here?

Shin


Dear Shin

Yes McDonalds does deliver in Hong Kong, hell pretty much every hot food place in Asia delivers, I suppose it is because it is part of the lives and culture of the people. Asians work damned hard, while ass hats like me get 30 days holiday a year in Asia more than 5 days a year is considered a lot of holidays! Also because labour is comparatively cheap as well as there being a much wider acceptance of scooters and light motorcycles being used as run abouts. These being advantageous since they use less fuel and are not bothered by traffic. Combined with the uber population densities of most major cities in Asia. Compared with say Los Angeles a big American city. In the city 3.8 million people live in the LA area. While OTOH In Hong Kong you have 6 mllion people living in an area the size of erm. Santa Monica in Hong Kong. Beijing isn't as bad, but Seoul and Tokyo are obsene where maximum security prison cells make the flats and apartments there look big. Which means that in a 5 minute scootay ride you have potentially 50,000 consumers. While over here in the UK even in the city centre the population is pretty low. In Suburb land populaton density is so low that in a 5 minute radius you get barely 1000 potential consumers.

Food porn

Epic meal time, bah!

Amateurs, today I discovered much to my delight a new reliable news site. Since huffington post went and sold out to AOL... meh.... I present to you.

The daily news (of sweet sweet bacon)

Monday Comedy: Moar Fried Chicken

Even Lao Tzu can't resist the taste of 11 herbs and spices!








Chhhhiiiiicccckkkkkeeeennnnn!
Chhhhiiiiicccckkkkkeeeennnnn!
Chhhhiiiiicccckkkkkeeeennnnn!
Chhhhiiiiicccckkkkkeeeennnnn!
Chhhhiiiiicccckkkkkeeeennnnn!
Chhhhiiiiicccckkkkkeeeennnnn!
Chhhhiiiiicccckkkkkeeeennnnn!
Chhhhiiiiicccckkkkkeeeennnnn!
Chhhhiiiiicccckkkkkeeeennnnn!
Chhhhiiiiicccckkkkkeeeennnnn!
Chhhhiiiiicccckkkkkeeeennnnn!
Chhhhiiiiicccckkkkkeeeennnnn!
Chhhhiiiiicccckkkkkeeeennnnn!
Chhhhiiiiicccckkkkkeeeennnnn!

More food

It begins yet again....

The old Chinese women who live nearby have started to deposit Leen Gau 年糕. Because they are mostly southerners they bring me the sweet version which looks like something you stepped on in the street.

Ok don't get me wrong it is nice and sweet, imagine marshmallows but erm tougher. Like chewing gum type toughness and sweeter.... oh and ooooh so very fattening.... eating deep fried lard would be healthier.

Its not even CNY yet and I've got 8 kilos of the stuff already. Its a bloody shame the company does not have a hot hob! As I could fob it off onto them har har!

Where are my manners!

How to make a good Chinese style pork cracking.

You need:

4lb piece fat belly pork with skin. Bigger is better fatter is better older pork is also better than young pork. Free range is also better as free range pigs have more fat on them than chemical and hormone grown meat. You can usually buy this at your wholesalers or indie butcher. Don't buy the shit you find at supermarkets as the (added) water content is too high and it is cut into thin strips.

• A whole bag of salt any is fine.
• 3 table spoons of sugar
• Some star anise
• ½ teaspoon cinnamon
• 7 cloves garlic, crushed. However don't peel it, grab your chopper and use the side to slam it.
• 2oo ml rocket fuel (high alcohol content vodka works nicely you can sub this with water if you want)
• 1.5 tablespoons Chinese white vinegar

Method?

• Grab a board with nails in it and stab the meat, don't score it scoring produces crappy pork cracking, stab it repeatedly so that EVERY single bit of skin looks like a colander. Do NOT stab too deep though you want to get just below the skin surface.
• Keep on stabbing.
• Keep on stabbing.
• Keep on stabbing.
• Mix all of the above in a bowl of water. Crushing the star anise thoroughly.
• Now rub it into the pork.
• Bugger off for a whole day and leave it to soak in. The alcohol should vapourise meaning it doesn't add water to the pork.
• Stab some more.
• Now dehydrate the meat a for a bit with a sprinkling of salt. But not too much I don't know the measurement I just grab a handful and sprinkle.
• Leave it for another day in the fridge. The fridge is better as fridges dehydrate things also it prevents bacterial growth on the underside of the meat.
• Now dust the salt off. As it has done its purpose.
• Rub some more salt into it, as if it were your worst enemy and you some how have him pinned down.
• Leave it in the fridge again for at least 24 hours. This dries the meat incredibly.
• Now get some oil, peanut oil is ok, and rub the surface of the pork and the underside. If you feel like it stab with a soaked oil nail here and there.
• Now put it in the oven at the top of the oven on a thin tray. Turn it to 200C and leave.
• Come back 15 minutes later and then turn the heat down to 180C.
• Come back 5 minutes later and then if you have a grill function in the oven turn it on.
• Watch it like a hawk. The second it goes dark and the edges start to go brown black (charred) remove from the oven.
• Leave it to cool on a rack for about 10 minutes to let the steam escape.
• Then cut into cubes, add some rice and eat.

I'd note adding bacon is NOT a good idea UNLESS you add the bacon AFTER the pork has been oven'd as the fat in the bacon drips into the pork and adds moisture to the skin. Somewhat 熱氣 though. Also contains vast amounts of fat cholestrol and things which are bad for you and will significantly shorten your life!

You can add sugar though which gives it a caramel type glaze.

WTF is this?

I mean it's just carbs and carbs. Where is all the bacon? I mean FFS there isn't even any pork cracking on there. You know like this.



Look at that mon! An INCH of fat on that..... hardly epic. Maybe I should go on that show and show them how it is done. Mine would have enough fat that it would have to be listed in powers!

Cold cures Chinese style

Sorta but hot and with ginger

It's winter and for people like myself who live outside the tropics we have piles of snow outside and when this happens colds come along. Well sorta, since I've stopped travelling on public transport and meet less clients I get less illnesses unsurprisingly.

Anyway.

So you've got a runny nose? Headache? Cough and sneeze a lot? Do you reach for the night nurse or your sachets of Lemsip? Or do you go visit your nearest health professional?

No of course you don't, you browse on a web page of TCG and look for a miracle cure of course!

In ancient times it was different you boiled brown sugar (had to be be brown for some reason) water and ginger. The ginger is the active ingredient. Which is supposed to cure things.

Enough waffle...

The recipe is


Hot Cola With Ginger And Lemon
Closed


Ingredients:

• 1 can (330cc) Cola coke is supposed to be best but your Walmart Asda cola will do.
• 6 slices (1.2-inch) fresh ginger
• 4 slices lemon

Preparation

• Slice the ginger carefully removing all of the skin.
• Hammer the bits of ginger with the side of your meat clever (All Chinese kitchens should have one)
• Hammer the bits of lemon in a similar manner
• Then place lemon slices in a mug.
• Pour the Cola and ginger slices in a saucepan.
• Boil it.
• Pour into mug.
• Drink.
• Gag at the foul sugary sweet taste which reminds you of the time you worked near a Starbucks with the horrible sickly sweet smell wafting through the windows constantly.

What it does to you?

Makes you gag
OTOH it is supposed to disperse phlegm and also ease coughing.
Improve blood circulation
Chase out cold


It sort of amazes me that the Coca Cola company haven't tried to flog this in China yet coke with Ginger. They'd make a packet since there are tons of heath drinks in 7-11s in HK and family marts in Mainland China. Normally 10-50 varieties of chilled tea, cola, 50 types of beer (blue girl beer is horrible though).

Son of a......!

Just while making some headway about wedding extortion in planting seeds of doubt into the minds of the givers I get hammered by something else. Damn it it seems I simply cannot win!

I received a basket of red eggs which made me break out in a cold sweat, this is for two reasons:

SOME Chinese families continue the tradition whereby until you are 18 you are give a number of dyed red eggs to eat in ONE sitting. The problem is my family were often NOT coordinated. Therefore through my teens I would be presented with baskets of eggs. To be eaten in one sitting. My dad would prep a basket of eggs dyed red. He would then stand over me and watch me eat them and refuse to leave until I had done so. Then my mum would come along later on in the day and also have a basket of eggs. Then my grand parents on both sides would come along and bring a basket of eggs. (My family have poor communication btw). End of a birthday I'd be egged out to hell. My 17th which was the last time this occured was horrible simply horrible the number of eggs. They would also withhold their Lai See unless I ate them all too. I don't really like hard boiled eggs any more these days because of this. My cousins and their friends were all put through such trials, though they families obviously had better coordination than mine.

Sort of like the cool hand Luke scene



But I received a basket of red eggs, which signifies that a child has been born, which signifies hey CG you've been invited to a party! But because you're only supposed to get the basket of eggs (dyed red) there is nowhere to put bring all yer money type invitation/extortion scheme. Also having a baby is somewhat more involving that a sham wedding. But again acquaintances are calling me already asking how much we should bring in money terms. Luckily everybody else is as piss poor as me and looks like it's not going to be more than £20.


Anyway tradition dictates it's held a lunar month after the birth, due to two things. Extremely high infant mortality. One month after the birth equates to a good chance of survival. Also same thing for the mother, in that birthing is undoubtedly painful. Thus the month is to allow for recuperation. Then again my parent's generation were made of sterner stuff they were mostly nuts. TGC's mum was having contractions and she had to finish off the shift before going to the hospital. My dad is equally nuts when his apendix ruptured or something and he finished his shift before going to get himself seen to.

Though admittedly this is not just restricted to Chinese people. My mate Tariq from Kashmir was stabbed in a shop robbery, he too had to finish his shift close up and clean up before getting himself sewn back up. Silly sod was really pale and ill looking the next day.

Chinese people and fish.

Source

Dear Chinese Guy,

My girlfriend believes all Chinese people like fish. Do you know of any Chinese people who don't like fish who can prove her wrong?

Anon

Dear (insert suitable insult here)

Chinese people eating fish and liking it is quite common. This is taken into extremis because of the way people in China especially HK will fish in the water there (without rods I might add just using fishing line). Unlike in the UK whereby people fish and throw the fish back HK is difference. The people there will catch the fish and take them home to eat....considering the water around Hong Kong is filled with ecoli due to the fact that about 20% of the toilets in HK still flush directly into the water, i.e. HK's coastal water is quite literally raw sewage. I am not exaggerating either as there are quite a few nasty places. Repulse bay for instance does not mince it's words. It is truly Repulsive, better than it used to be with hacked up bodies from Mahjong's debts, dead dogs, cats, birds and general dumping ground for general waste. IIRC in 100cc of water there were over 2300 strains of Ecoli it was so bad. 10 years of progress means that in every 100cc of coastal water there is 14cc of 'slurry' (read poop). Seriously this gives the Ganges river in India a run for its money (the Pearl River delta). Yet surprisingly people eat the fish out of it..... my dad won't eat fish in China because he knows of the pollution. Also the ubiquitous curry fish balls as if they were not deadly enough.

Anyway I digress.

However I do know of several people who are Chinese who hate fish. Unless it has been thoroughly processed, no head, no scales, no fins etc. However the usual rules apply there's be lots of famines and people will eat what is available rather than starve. Much like the two vegetarian French girls I met in Mongolia who were in some serious difficulty since Mongolians don't even know what vegetables are.

There are also some cultural reasons as well as yet again it boils down to money, fish are symbolic of money and fortune. And you are supposed to eat it last as it represents bounty and riches in some strange manner. I have some cardboard fish in red somewhere in the loft. They also serve as some kind of inverse wishing well whereby eating it may make your dreams come true. Thus in such a superstitious society people tend to like eating fish... though as with an earlier post not if it is still moving they don't.

On the subject of wishing wells. Here is something for the Monday comedy slot. Benny Hill.

24 Herb tea season 二十四味凉茶

二十四味凉茶

Its currently -6 outside which isn't too bad. The cold doesn't bother me too much, riding around on a motorbike in summer gear is something I've done for ages. The problem is the pain it causes me, old injuries ache when it gets too cold. But thats more to do with windchill than actual cold. Myself and Kim (who else!) in Seoul last year spent ages in the ice bar in Seoul. Considering outside was 100% humidity 40C we went inside and didn't come out for ages..... the Korean barman could only stay inside for a few minutes at a time and would go outside. Kim (being from Dallas, and also having lived in Santa Monica) was also fine with staying in the freezer. Heh we asked the barman to turn on the air conditioning as we felt hot even inside the meat locker.

No I dont mind the cold at all.... instead I mind the potions which Chinese people are supposed to drink to keep themselves fit. As with 粽子 I live near an awful lot of old Chinese women who's children have had the good sense to move far far away. They are generally bored, and lonely and thus come to pester me sometimes. In response TCG spent an afternoon showing them how to get online and they pester me an awful lot less. However since it first started to get cold I've been given lots of 24 herb tea..... urk..... they will stand and won't leave until I've drank it. Today its 1046am as I type this and I've had two batches already. This tea is classic snake oil type stuff and it has a scatter gun approach to what it cures.

Off my head:

It's said to be able to enrich vital energy, clean away internal heat(yeet hay), eliminating dampness and heat, cooling and refreshing to the system for influenza, fever, poor appetite, strengthening of body and improves general resistance.Can cure colds and coughs, fevers and headaches, hangovers, eruptive disease, tiredness, infantile fevers, pathogenic dryness and heat in combination, and constipation, eliminating dampness and heat, promoting the production of body fluid to quench thirst, halitosis, anorexia, abdominal dissension, fidget, lack of physical strength, dizziness, pimples acne.

I can say it works, not because of the stuff in it, because it tastes so incredibly fowl and bitter, like when beer tastes when you've had too much, but worse much worse. It makes you gag and forget all about your pains elsewhere. Much like the classic pain relief when you hurt yourself when we were all children. Whereby to 'relieve' pain say a headache people would stamp on your foot. Because the stamp hurt more you'd stop thinking about your headache.

Strangely though it does kind of work, maybe it is psychological like placebos. But then again going to see the Doctor in the UK can take anywhere from 3-8 weeks to get an appointment by which time I feel better already.

My dad swears by the stuff and has a bowl every day as he passes a small shop as in the picture above where they serve it daily. He is pretty old however, so is my gran and she drinks it daily(ish) too and she's pushing 100.

Food part 4

Meh darned Americans! They get all the good stuff like this, while in the UK we never see anything like this

Rice for when you fancy 3000 of something...

Dear TCG

Reading your blog and visiting Beijing I was surprised that Chinese people don't all eat rice. Where does this myth come from that all Chinese people eat rice?

D

Dear D

I'm not exactly sure where this myth came from tbh. However I have some good theories about this about why westerners tend to view that Chinese people eat rice when really they don't. Wheat oats and potatoes are mostly eaten in the north. Although rice does grow in the northern bits it is inefficient. Probably why rice is so rare in Korea and Koreans quite like some well cooked rice..... TCG can barely taste anything these days, but apparently rice has different tastes to it.... I don't taste any difference even though you get bags of the stuff labelled Jasmin or fragrant rice. Though they grow shorter grain varieties in Japan and Korea. Anyhow rice doesn't really do much for me, it has no specific flavor I enjoy and to me it is just a filler material. TCG likes everything on this list


A light afternoon snack for TCG, I mean look at it a whole pig maybe two had to die to make this burger!


A whole cow had to die to make this. While a big ass bowl of rice does not have the same effect, as sticking two pieces of bread on each side of a cow and calling it a burger.





A rather big burger



The double pounder. I mean think about it, with a colossal burger found in the USA Verde's Dies Irae is completely appropriate to demonstrate the sheer size of the thing. The same can't be said about a massive bowl of rice.




Note TCG advises consumption is moderation and TCG only weighs a pissy 11stone anyway and thus does not consume such foods on a daily basis.

Anyway firstly:

Chinese people who migrated overseas, there was a huge wave of Chinese from the south, these people ate rice. They went overseas and they ate rice there (though my dad mostly eats bread because he is obsessed with sandwiches). So when they opened up their take out places they too served rice. People made a connection ah Chinese people must all eat rice. A little like the impression many Europeans get of British people that we are all drunks and yobbos. Namely because many tourist destinations are filled to the brim with British drunken louts like Ibiza. This is exemplified by the southern Hakka and Cantonese, lets eat said before eating is literally eat rice.

Secondly colonisation

In that the Qing were a weak dynasty and they were ganged by loads of countries regularly who wanted to open up exploitation of new realms, that old gig. If you look at my maps which I forget where I got them from. Most of the opened up major coastal ports are in the central and southern regions. These regions are generally much wetter than the north and thus better suited to growing rice rather than wheat, oats or potatoes. That is not to say rice doesn't grow in the north it does but it takes more effort and the north is drier than the south. Though advanced irrigation means this is no longer the case such as the south north water project



Thirdly a lot of Chinese culture from South i.e. Hong Kong has appeared overseas. In which features Chinese people eating and thus rice.





Opps substituted rice for bullets there

That's my theory anyway, but this is changing as Chinese people grow richer this food stuff is starting to appear everywhere. Quite conveniently for the Americans a hell of a lot of rice is grown in the USA.

Chinese beer

Dear TCG

Is Chinese beer safe to drink? I heard they put Formaldehyde in it.

Lucid

Hi CG

Why does Chinese beer give such bad hangovers? Its like worse than red wine!

Colin

Dear TCG

How come Chinese beer tastes you know a little off?

Lukien


Dear All

Chinese beer is safish to drink in small quantities, you see in China they put preservatives in their beer. While in the UK and USA after a long day at work I sometimes crack open a beer and relax a bit before eating etc. They put in such preservatives to give beers a longer shelf life. They put this in as the culture of get home and crack open a beer thing isn't really done in China as much as in western countries even though purchasing power wise the price of beer is pretty darned cheap. Even in Beijing and Shanghai, this is as long as you stay out of the touristy areas. We managed to find a bar in Pingyao where the beers were about 2RMB for a litre.

Even going out for a meal and having a beer or two isn't done too often, people look at me wide eyed as I have a pint with a meal in HK and in China.

"What is this crazy person doing drinking in the middle of the day!" Or they'll share a big bottle between loads of people.

Heh but then in HK I did used to live near a gigantic Carlsberg factory (this factory is now gone)

Thus this (adding of preservative) extends the shelf life massively especially since they can stick the beers on long distance cargo lorries and trains all around the country. Tsingtao for example (note Tsingtao is a copy of a German beer btw when the Germans were forced out of the port of Qingdao). They do this because it is cheap and effective., hence the taste.

This has some nasty side effects. I.e. killer killer hangovers. More than once I had to go home (friend's flat) to have a lie down because of the horrible throbbing hangovers such beers and the preservatives induce. The people there do not feel this because they don't drink enough for it to affect them as big bottles are shared and thus they only get small doses. The bender we had in Beijing last year was insane..... we made a pile of Tsingtao to rival the hotel of doom

We paid for this dearly though all being immobilised completely by incredible pumping beer hangovers though, like having a demon inside your head with a chainsaw. While being punched by a gorilla constantly, which was how I felt... those Israelies though for some reason who went out with us seemed not to be affected and they were drinking shit loads of it.

This is made more evident by the beers which advertise no formaldehyde! These days. It like when McDonald's advertised its Chicken Nuggles as now made with 100% Chicken...... it makes you think hold on what the hell were they made of before then?!



Also in the western world we've had a marketing trend of no MSG! I remember something what was it. It was Newmans Salad dressing. They put on the front NO MSG! In big red text..... instead they put yeast extract in it instead. Yeast extract happens to be pretty much MSG.... So makes you wonder what the hell they put instead of formaldehyde into the beers these days? Since those things still keep find on the shelves for years!

Another theory is that the ingredients are piss poor too the hops, malt and water being polluted to hell as described here thus they are filled with harmful chemicals too to boot. You can read about it here


This is of course changing. But at what rate and scope I have no idea. But of course as TCG recommends.... always have things in moderation and you ought to be fine.

Salad towers

Shamelessly stolen from the Korean guy



The difference is TCG is not as silly! TCG does this with MEAT! TCGs dad has an incredible meat tesselation ability and can make towers of babel with meat.

Fortune cookies

Wait this is one of those questions you always get in quizzes, much like when people ask who invented peanut butter many people will say George Washington Carver. Its a bit of a trick question.

• Much like many people will say the capital of Turkey is Istanbul (it ain't its Ankara)
• The capital of Aus is Sydney (its not it Canberra)
• Or the capital of New York is New York (its Albany)
• Or finally the capital of Switzerland is Geneva (its bern)

Since I am a store of useless information and thus deadly useful in quizzes. Something I paid a huuuge price for in my youth. As being the smart kid always got me beaten up all of the time. Boy did I hate school because of the beatings I received. My nose has been put back so many times. It was always after school too so you would stew horribly. Which would build up an incredible anticipatory period in which to shit yourself. There were often hours between finding out you would get the shit kicked out of you and the actual event which always made it worked. You'd think bugger me am I going to have to get my nose put back again? You have to wait all day and be consumed by thoughts of exceptional pain and a life in a wheel chair. Ok so in reality your opponent of the gang who kicked the shit out of me were piss weak fighters.....

Excuse me for that rather wild tangent.


But there are lots of legends from Buddhist priests wanting to give good look to people.
To secret messages during the many civil wars in China.

But it was either Hagiwara a Japanese guy or a Hong Kong guy called Jung or another Japanese guy called Kito. Since they are rather easy to copy unlike say a Jet engine whereby two people co-invented it um Hans Von Ohain and Frank Whittle. It is disputed. As to who invented fortune cookies. But they are most definitely an invention of the migrants to the USA.

Thus are not seen in Asia..... well no in 2009 a shop did start to sell them in HK. I remember the reaction of my uncle who had a bite and had.... shall we say lots of unpleasant things with diu in it as he did not realise there was paper inside.



They are served at restaurants as a gimmick probably, but only westernised ones and even then not all of them. I sometimes give a helping hand to friends (it sucks having Chinese friends who work in hot food as they never have any time off so I go visit them instead).

As to who writes the messages, it is sick sacks of shit. The last batch of cookies I handled back in 2007 had nasty messages inside. Not things which said you'll die a horrible painful death. No worse it was vague kinds of things which undermined your confidence or introduced self doubt into your psyche. It was stuff like:

You're (sic) relationship is on rocky ground.
They're (sic) will have a round of redundancies at your work place.
You have something growing inside you.

It wasn't mistranslation it was just being cruel, I suppose the factory workers in their shit jobs on the production line probably decided to liven up their day, but these went beyond the pale. Either that or they misheard me when I was drunk off my ass. After talking about sex, ranting and shit I always have an incredibly imaginative moment whereby I can think of clever things kind. Kind of like the madengineer here

One of my common rants since 1995 have been making a line of misfortune cookies which have negative outcomes not as bad as above just nasty stuff like you smell horrible etc. (Oh come on I thought of this in 1995 when I was thinking about the girl next door). In fact since some people are nasty pieces of work how about a range of hell lee see? Sure sure you can make them pretty easily, but people are lazy. I often see in the mornings people get into the car to go 150 metres to buy a newspaper.

I mean we have machines which negative the need for us to walk like the Segeway.....


Interestingly Mongolian cops tend to use them a lot I saw loads of them around Sukebator Square in Ulan Bator. Though the cops would race them around for fun. More lazy inventions here